you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
