who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
