WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
