We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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