Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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