..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
