omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
