So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Randomize
