we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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