a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
