don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
