I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
