I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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