i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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