You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
