I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
