How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
