So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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