dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
