I wish I could teleport
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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