Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
