you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
