I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
