Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My bed smells like the plague
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
