We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
