alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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