the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I want to have your abortion
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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