You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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