I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
