just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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