how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
