I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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