apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
