i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
