she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
