I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
