Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Alive.
So much puke
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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