Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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