Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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