I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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