I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
