Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I party with great urgency now.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
