so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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