Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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