took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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