He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
