Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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