I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
