If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
