bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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