I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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