Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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